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Inconceivable!

My Open Letter

22 year old me: *Looks into camera* I am...standing in front of my beautiful home. I just got back from a short vacation and it's my dorders( who I uniquely named Dorder b/c she is my dorder) 4th birthday so I'm going to surprise her and my husband Aubrey, you may know him as Drake, I call him Aubrey because we're on a first name basis because we are married...and in love.
Me: *Opens door* Hello.mp3!
Drake: *Eagerly runs downstairs carrying dorder because he is happy to see me because we are in love* Oh my God! I am so happy to see you!
Me: Surprise! Get my luggage sweetie. *Smiles at the camera*
Drake: Hold the baby for me?
Me: No, thank you.
Drake: You sure? You haven't seen her in a long time and she misses y-
Me: Aubrey I do not want to hold that child.
Drake: *Nods and sits dorder on the floor* What's with the camera crew?
Me: Well, I am...filming my ICONIC return home from vacation.
Drake: I wouldn't call it vacation you were gone for an entire year. *rich white man laugh*
Me: I can call it whatever the hale I wanna call it but anyway- *Kneels and ruffles Dorders hair* -my little cutie pie turned 3 and as you all know, I do not particularly like the number 3. At all. So now I am home because I do, in fact, enjoy the number 4.
Drake: I completely understand, I'm not too fond of the number 7.
Me: Are you coming for me?
Drake: I don't understand.
Me: Everyone knows that I was born on August 8th and 7 is one less than 8 and I'm starting to feel VERY attacked.
Drake: I apologize I see how that could be taken offensively, I was out of line.
What’s in your head

It doesn’t matter.

olicity-endgame:

0hhgodpleaseshutup:

I FOUND IT. I FOUND MY FAVORITE THING ON THE INTERNET.

Holy mother of god.

This is basically how I live my life.

This is basically how I live my life.

jetbag:

me: im going to fucking stab you

straight white boy: haha then what? ;) 

poorshadowspaintedqueens:

My answer is all of the above (except the “wine” because eww, and ice cubes only belong in sufficiently potent sangria).


😂😂Merlot’s is killin’ me

poorshadowspaintedqueens:

My answer is all of the above (except the “wine” because eww, and ice cubes only belong in sufficiently potent sangria).

😂😂Merlot’s is killin’ me

shaolinqueen:

Rust’s making cupcakes today. Yum. 

shaolinqueen:

Rust’s making cupcakes today. Yum

professionalnodel:

telling your friend that his crush is also a bottom

professionalnodel:

telling your friend that his crush is also a bottom

thecutestofthecute:

Big dogs who think they are lap dogs.

Life. I b sleep

Life. I b sleep